Thursday, February 9th, 2006
Noticed a CRAZY mindfucking spike in traffic today.
And it’s purely because of THIS.
I’m still not sure if it’s a good thing or bad thing.
But here I am making a tiny announcement to discharge my accountability (omfg I can’t believe I’m so smart I could SUBTLY add in a reference to accounting. GENIUS!), anyway.
1. I am not hot
2. I am not cute
3. I am not sassy
4. I am not funny
5. I am not witty
6. I am not intelligent.
So, some of you DID get it right. I’m REALLY just this plain looking, ineloquent, unfunny, pissy-pissy little single girl because nobody wants me except for my 52 stray cats, 2 sheeps, 5 ducks, 7 gerbils, 10 pigs and my Mongolian yak whom I love to call “snuffle” because he reminds me of that giant cute goofy hairball on Sesame Street.
There. That should clear off whatever assumptions Kenny might have misled you into thinking. Luckily for Kenny, he’s living on an island far, far away otherwise I might have to feed my flesh-eating worms with his coconuts, and then forcefeed Kenny with said worms, pour vinegar all over his wounds and have the hyenas feed on him while he’s being hung upside down by his dick. With a barbwire. (What I’m REALLY trying to say is, Thanks Kenny.)
If you came here expecting something SPECIAL, I WILL dissapoint you, unless you were expecting the bus-window-wiping-with-tongue sort of special, THAT I have plenty.
Help yourselves to a good day. Go away.
To the 10 of you who actually READ this blog because you know me in person and you are actually my FRIEND, you poor souls, regular blog transmission will resume shortly.
Cheers.
Randomness |
Monday, February 6th, 2006
What does a girl do, bored out of her mind, on a really hot Tuesday night, with a couple of beers on the side, and a webcam at her disposal?
Shoot a video.
What does a girl do with it after she has sobered up?
Post it up for the world to see and ridicule, then let them shred her self-worth to pieces.
She must be out of her freaking mind.
…. and I reaaaaally should stop referring to myself as a third person
READ THIS FIRST:
1. It was late. I was tired. And already had a drink before the video.
2. I am ALREADY aware that :
a) I sound like I am retarded
b) I am as eloquant as a 5 year old autistic child with a speech impediment
c) I have an annoying voice
d) My face is ugly
e) I’m as funny as a chinese fingernail extracting torture instrument
f) [insert other deragotary insult of choice]
… so yeah, please tell me something NICE. Even if you have to lie through your teeth.
3. This would be of course, my first video recording ever.
4. The video was done in ONE take. No edit, nothing - only because I don’t KNOW how to, and even if I did, I probably can’t be arsed to do it. But, I did do retakes (about 2 others) because I kept screwing up pronounciating words like HI! FIREANGEL! IS! NOT! ALCOHOLIC!
5. No preparations or ANY research done prior to recording. I WILL say stupid things.
6. It’s 7 minutes. I know. Got carried away. Sorry. Perhaps an alcoholic beverage first?
7. I bear NO responsibility whatsoever for anything BAD that may happen to you as a result of watching this video (eg, convulsions, nightmares, insomnia, nausea, hysteria, the sudden ability to speak in tongues etc.)
8. I deny EVERYTHING.
Nevertheless, I STILL hope you have as much fun watching it as I have recording it.
Some obligatory but very bad quality camwhoring pictures. Using webcam lah.
My companion for the night.
WTF! Stop acting cute, bitch.
It’s hosted HERE.
Edited: Ok fuckers, it’s not that I DON’T know. I HAVE tried embedding it. But it just screws up the entire layout and I can’t be arsed to TRY IT ANYMORE. DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MANY TIMES I’VE EDITED THIS POST IN AN HOUR?!?!?! SHITTTT! *Bangs head on broken glasses out of frustration*
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