Archive for April, 2006

Rojak - Watched, Not Eaten.

Monday, April 17th, 2006

So what did you do last weekend?

A bunch of old friends and I went ALL the way to some godforsaken place that even father time himself forgot JUST to catch a stage project of a personal friend. A play called Rojak.

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The Personal Friend looking as naked as a newborn baby with his freshly shaved face.

See this face? This guy is like MY age okay. Bugger has not been hanging out with US because he’s spending the rest of his spare time with kids half his age on his PROJECT. Yeah right, as if we don’t see right through you, you fucking paedophile.

Bugger has always taken a huge interest in the artsy fartsy industry.

How I envy him.

Gay.

:P

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Rojak booklets. 2 bucks only.

Because I’m a horrible lazy fuck, I didn’t do my research and watched Rojak without a flying rat’s clue on what it was really about. But that’s fair because I did the same for every other plays before anyways, and seriously do YOU google up for the synopsis of a movie you’re about to catch? Don’t think so.

So they have a blog and everything. Minus a million points for being so young and energetic like those Energizer bunnies on SPEED.

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Bio of crew and casts just right outside the theatre. Nice touch!

This is definitely NOT PGL the musical, M the opera or The Homecoming, which were produced and peformed by PROFESSIONALS who do this kinda shit as a DAY job. Move out of your parent’s house and get a REAL job already, bitches.

Nevertheless, the level of enthusiasm and the effort that went into this production was not any lesser than that of a pro’s.

The director was a 20 year old boy, OKAY.

20 years old! I mean, what the fuck were YOU doing when you were 20?

Rushing your opponents with your zerglings in Starcraft while drowning yourself in alcohol? Hahahahah.

Me too.

6
Switch off your phones bitches, otherwise it might end UP in a dark place.

Rojak, aptly titled as it’s basically a compilation of ten 15 minute unrelated skits, is fantastic for people with Attention Deficit Disorder, ie, me. The great thing is that if you hated a particular skit, it’s only 15 minutes worth of finger-eating torture. Bad thing is that if you are the seriously slow thinker/problem solver type, this is too fast and short for you.

It definitely feels like like you’re sitting through a BEST HIGH SCHOOL STAGE PERFORMANCE COMPILATION CD 1 COMING SOON IN A RECORD STORE NEAR YOU.

Before I start tearing this play up to pieces (I kid), I’m keeping in mind that this is strictly a play done by amateurs for amateurs, ie, people who are not into the whole hardcore WE TAKE THIS WHOLE PLAY SHIT SERIOUSLY performing arts enthusiasts. Probably the best target audience for this play would be students with their short attention spans who STILL have the ability to NOT take everything too personally and seriously AND looking for a fun day out at KLPAC.

I’m sure the cast and crew KNEW that they’re not going for any awards or anything. It’s a bunch of youths having fun experimenting on stage for fuck sakes, they KNOW that. Young cikus doing what they love doing most, just starting out on making their acting dreams come true. How can you not applaud their passion?

*applause applause*

Because they were all young and inexperienced, there are bound to be misses. As there are with hits.

Out of the 10, I’m singling out two of my favourite, more memorable skits.

The Hits.

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Emily’s RSVP

Emily’s really kicking some ass with her monologue sketch about her own private party which totally “tak jadi” because people couldn’t be arsed to RSVP, and those who DID RSVP, didn’t show up.

Her facial expressions and her acting skillZ were really quite excellent for an amateur. I kept an eye on her through the entire play. Maybe we’ll see more of this young lady in the future.

10
Sanjiv’s Malaysian Citizenship 101

Sanjiv was wickedly hilarious, the script itself, which pokes fun of us, Malaysians, being typically Malaysians, was spot on and very in-your-face. I LOVE in-your-face skits.

Now, I’m not saying this JUST because he is my personal friend. Or that he held a knife at my throat and threatened to eat my first newborn. Seriously, it was nothing like that at ALL.

And it’s always nice to see that we still have enough humor left in our cynical bones to laugh at ourselves without constantly being BLEEPED.

The “Tak Nak” skit with its rapping-meets-dikir barat beat was memorable and really clever! Am a sucker for synchronised choreography and choruses. But it did felt like it went on a TAD bit too long.

Most of the cast had stage presence and you could see that they WERE ALL VERY talented kids. A shout out the skinny Indian boy. And that boy from the “perfect screwed up Stepford family” had the most wittiest perfectly exceuted lines EVER. AND that reaaaaaally sweet looking thing (girl, I mean) in the “female oppression” skit was good too! I couldn’t stop looking at her! So damn SWEET looking!

(I’m making up the names of the plays as I go along because I didn’t buy the booklet.)

The Misses.

Sometimes it gets a little too abstract. The director had the idea, but that idea was sometimes was NOT executed properly, not polished enough. WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO HERE? WHAT IS THE STORY ABOUT? There were times when it got too messy and confusing and the play was drowned in its own drama - like the “damned” skit. I personally disliked that Ringo re-enactment horror screaming thing the most. Didn’t get that at all. Shocking, scary - for sure. There were some girls in the audience who were SCREAMING with the cast. But what the fuck was that about? All it did was to gave me the goose bumps, a splitting headache and a WTF looked constantly etched on my face.

Sometimes the idea itself was too vague it makes you go WHAT IS GOING ON DUDES WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO TELL ME? Like the “sinking boat” (huh?) & the “oppressed woman” (damn disturbing, to say the least) one. Did we really had to sit through that? Why? I hate feeling disturbed. Brrr.

I felt that whenever a skit or a monologue start to take itself too seriously, it gets lost and confusing in it’s own little web of over-the-topness. But whenever it wasn’t trying too hard to send out a message and pushing the audiences like an annoying lunch-time table-to-table salesperson to figure out the “makna tersirat”, it was perfectly fun and that was good. Shallow is good. Sweet, simple and in your face is best methinks. I’m not much of a thinker, see? Being a mindless android and all that.

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Group photo with cast.

But I must say, for a bunch of young farts (young farts because, let’s face it, you’d called me an old spinster), this was some top-notch effort! Don’t ever slack off on the enthusiasm and passion because that’s what performing arts is about isnt it? Passion and love, baby! Get us all free tickets next time Sanjiv you bitch.

Now, if only the other kids find a better hobby and get themselves involved in productive projects like this to channel all their angst and anger, instead of listening to emo “rock groups”, angry rap songs, smoking, drinking and getting abortions - maybe the world could be a better place to live in or something.

Camwhoring time!

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What are you looking at, Lainie?

I met Lainie there! Apperently her friends had FFK-ed her poor ass. This would be my second meeting with her in 2 days. Of course must touch her. Of course must be touched BY her. Of course must camwhore WITH her.

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Old friends. I missed you bitches. (Group photo must be bigger abit mah)

See how much we support you kau kau Sanjiv. If coming all the way to Sentul West to see you isn’t support I don’t know WHAT is. I haven’t seen most of you since Chinese New Year. Thank you for NOT disowning my sorry ass.

1
:P

….and of course, there’s me.

Related:
@ Ky’s
@ BoredWorkers’
@ Hyperhex’s

Phew. Am spent. Too old for this shit man. Am keeping my day job. Argh. Have so much to do. And I still have about 2 other posts just SCREAMING to be updated. Need a drink. Or five.

THE END!

Reviews | 16 Comments

Mini Meet. Mini Update.

Friday, April 14th, 2006

So. I got my hair brutally mutilated.

It’s too long too look like a hot Japanese anime boy.

Too short to look like a girl.

So confused. :(

I can’t even look at the mirror without wanting to beat up the mirror image and then forcefeed it with weedkiller for being so fugly.

Note to self - Never EVER get a hair cut at dodgy name-less auntie shops. Serves you right for being a lazy fuck. Make appointment and arrange transport also lazy? You deserve to be BALD, bitch. Sniff.

At least I there are still people who are not ashamed to be seen with me in public. Still. At least.

On the downside, they were ALL serious hardcore camwhores.

Sigh.

Me feeling so ugly.
Me wanna lock myself in room 3 months.
Me wanna finish 10 bottles of vodka.
But no, they wanna take lotsa peekchas they say.
Take food.
Take people.
Pose pose pose.
Look here. Look there.
They say.

Bloody fucking bloggers.

Some more that stupid place no alcoholic beverages.

HOW CAN!??!?!?!?!

*sniff*

Here. Pictures. Take it. TAKE IT.

haircut1.jpg
Guess who?

haircut2.jpg
Peekaboo! I see you!

haircut3.jpg
Nice or not? Lie to me a bit lah, give face can or not? Cheebais.

haircut4.jpg
Eh don’t look at me liddat lah.. I shy wan… *blush blush*

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Posers.

Want to sponsor me to rectify my hair or not? If you damn rich, give me money to rectify my face also lah bitches. Might as well lah, kan?

Now go away and let me peacefully drown myself in a bathtubful of hard liquour mixtures. Bye.

Camwhore! | 35 Comments

Ineligible Fags.

Sunday, April 9th, 2006

Cleo’s 50 Most Eligible Bachelors is a scam.

Of all the guys who are featured in the list; half of them are NOT eligible, a quarter of them are NOT straight. And the rest are barely legal.

I mean seriously dudes, Malaysia running out of straight single men in their 20s-30s isit? Turned cannibal and feasted on each other’s BRAINS? Left the country when the price of petrol went up?

Or are you fuckers just being typical lazy fucks and not doing your job properly?

Fine. Ineligible fairies I can take. As long as they’re hot, you know? At least give us SOMETHING to drool over and… stuff. That’s the whole point of the list anyway, right?

It’s a girl’s magazine for fuck sakes of COURSE it’s going be shallow of COURSE it’s going to be full of shit of COURSE it’s meant for entertaining of COURSE we’re going to expect SOME form of sex…… I mean eye candy. Eye candy. Freudian slip. Really.

I can count the number of eye candies in that list with ONE hand.

I absolutely can NOT accept that some of the guys on the list are prettier looking than I am. Shit.

This is quite seriously and quite frankly, wtfing, mates.

I want my RM5.60 back you cheating lying scoundrels.

*casts Level 15 sorceress fireball on Cleo*

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Screw you, Cleo.

Related:
Bash The Bachelors.
Short One - Bachelor Bash Update.
The Cleo Bachelor Bash (Picture Heavy Post)

Thoughts & Rants | 68 Comments

Whatder?

Thursday, April 6th, 2006

So I was at Carnegie’s last weekend.

What? You don’t believe me?

Fine.

As proof, here’s the receipt.

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Want a close up?

2

Come again?

1

Hell yeah. You won’t believe the shit they can serve in a glass these days.

And for what an amazing price too.

3

Hahahahaha. You wish lah.

(Me too.)

*sigh*

Randomness | 26 Comments

The Homecoming - A Personal Letter To The Director.

Monday, April 3rd, 2006

postcard1

Dear Mr Gavin Yap,

Fuck you very much for shoving this piece of very disturbing play onto our faces. Seriously how the fuck did you get pass the censors? Vagina Monologues wasn’t even allowed before. MJ wasn’t even allowed to grab his crotch on stage. MJ okay. INTERNTIONAL SUPER STAR. AND YOU. you. YOU. YOU WERE ALLOWED TO PUT UP A PLAY. FOR ABOUT A WEEK OR SO. ABOUT A FOUL-MOUTHED, INCESTUOUS FAMILY. WITH A CHICK FACE SUCKING with not just ONe, but TWO men, ON STAGE and got her to emulate a SEX scene with some hunky boy. WTF?!?!?! How much did you pay them? Did it hurt when you try sitting down after they were done with you, you whore.

gavin_at_work.1
The director.

Did you know that right after I got home, I sat down and read through most of the production diary, to understand the whole production process, to understand just what the FUCK was in that twisted mind of yours when you wanted to put this up, and to understand what the rest of the cast felt. I did enjoyed the blog very much, by the way. Your personal thoughts in it as a director and how the rest of your insane crew were “in-character” when THEY blogged were very enjoyable and gave simple-minded folk like me a small peek into your little demented worlds.

Uncle-Sam2
The guilt-stricken driver/voyeur/uncle

But I digress.

Do you know that you’re one sick twisted bugger? You most absolutely are.

Actually, not you, Pinter is. Pinter is a sick motherfucker. Freud would have a LOT to say about him. TO him.

During the Q&A session, you said you didn’t want to send out a message, didn’t want to make a statement. Unlike 99.9% of local productions which did. You said you wanted to do this for the fuck of it. You said you didn’t really care what the audience felt, as long as they felt something, as long as they weren’t indifferent about it.

Teddy3b
I have bigger balls than you, Teddy.

What to know how I felt? I don’t care. You HAVE to.

First, let me tell you that I was sitting there, RIGHT THERE, right in the FRONT ROW, which was on the SAME level as the set, as if I was IN the set like part of the furniture, which made me felt like I was standing precariously at the edge of a 100 floor building’s roof, on tiptoe. Anytime now that Lenny would let the hammer go and break my knee. Anytime now Max’s tongkat would hit my arm. Anytime now somebody would fling that white mug from being TOO in-character and it would land on my face in pieces.

Ruth-1
Ruth is as scary as Chucky of child’s play.

The whole thing was so believable that all I could do was just sit there, cringing at the edge of the seat for 2 whole fucking hours.

And after the goddamn play I felt drained.

Emotionally and mentally completely drained.

And dirty.

I wanted to watch 3 Walt Disney cartoons in a row.

pinocchio
Disney, please save me.

I wanted to lock myself in my room, blast my Limp Bizkit on maximum volume and ball up in a fetal position, crying while I’m rocking myself to sleep. And then bathe in a bathtub full of vodka to wash off the filth.

Joey
Eh, which gym you go to ah?

I didn’t want to touch nobody talk to nobody. I didn’t even fucking CAMWHORE, which by the way is just SOMETHING I DO. IT WAS MY THING. I ALWAYS CAMWHORE. ALWAYS. MY MIND WAS SO GONE I HAD COMPLETELY FORGOTTEN ABOUT CAMWHORING.

The outrage!

After this, I will never see families the same way again.

The word “tuck” is now a filthy, filthy word to me. As is “sip”.

You have tainted me forEVER.

I hope you’re happy now, you mindfucking bastard.

Ahem. What I was REALLY trying to say is that you were all fanfuckingtastic. The only reason I’m all fucked like this was because the direction and cast was brilliant enough to make the characters come alive, to make the play feel so damn REAL for me, as an audience.

But it still doesn’t change the fact that the play totally raped my mind. Bitches.

Just me,
FA

P/s 1: I think you’re quite hot. In a grunge/skater-boy/druggy/homeless person sort of way. Are you really going to be half naked in the next skit? Which half?

DSC_0018
Quite hot.

P/s 2: I saw you downing that bottle of Carlsberg just before the play started. You alcoholic.

P/s 3: While the ENTIRE cast was ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT, Lenny was my favourite character of all, even if he WAS the scariest one. If Hannibal Lector had a childhood he would’ve been a Lenny. Though sometimes.. the “accents” do get a little bit distracting.

Lenny.3
Lenny scares me.

P/s 4: The lightning was superb. Mr Lim did a faNTASTIC job. I loved how the different lights were used to set different moods and to differentiate one room from another. Best light work I have EVER seen.

Max.0
*I* had the scissors you flaming paedophilic homosexual bastard.

P/s: 5. Thanks for the invite, Patrick. Even if I did have to pay for my OWN ticket. Even if we had to go ALL THE FUCKING WAY to some godknowswhere secluded jungle of SENTUL, it was worth it.

set2.0
The set.

More!
Suanie
Lainie
Kimberly
Paul
Cheneille
ST

The Homecoming Blog

Now if you’ll all excuse me, I need to go fix myself a strong drink. To forget. Everything.

Reviews, Letters To No One | 28 Comments

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