Archive for May, 2008
Wednesday, May 21st, 2008
Have you been in love? Have you loved someone so much that when you think of that person your heart aches as it pounds itself furiously against your ribcage, so furiously it stops your breath and makes you lose your mind, only to be finally released from the tower of your own madness which consumes when you see that idiot once again, or hear the idiot’s voice.
Being in love is not a laughing matter. It’s fucking terrible. Your world gets turned upside down. Food tastes bland. Water doesn’t hydrate. Seconds feel like hours, day and night doesn’t make a difference. Your mind is consumed by that one person. Nothing works. Nothing makes sense.
There’s nothing worse than being in love.
Except having that love stolen from you.
If you have been in love, and had that love taken away from you, then you will, without a doubt, feel exactly like how the main character felt when she lost her love – which is basically what the whole movie is about. Love, lost love, and dealing with lost love. Hilary (as Holly) and Gerard (as Gerry) has so much chemistry on-screen, that when Gerry was gone, YOU would despair. YOUR heart gets ripped out, flung into flames, thrashed around with a spiked club, drowned in water.
I hate it. It’s a great movie. But it makes you go through those feelings you kept locked up in a thick metal box deep inside the black inner recesses of your heart, and you threw away the key because you never ever want to go through it again.
The hopelessness. The loneliness. The difficulty in moving on. The self-pity. The painful longing. The constant reminder of the absence of the other person during your mundane everyday routines. That picture. That piece of clothing. The not wanting to leave the house. The not wanting to get out of bed. The feeling like nothing matters anymore. The bitter anger and jealousness you feel when people around you seem to be moving on with their lives too quickly, living you behind. The “what is the point” question. The why, why, why question. The unfairness. The feeling like you heart will never heal. The fear of being alone. Forever.
Lock them up again. Bury the key. Go away and never come back.
I only cried once in the movie. If I wasn’t too tired and sleepy I would’ve probably bawled throughout the move, who knows. The part that touched me most was at the scene she breaks down and went straight to her mother to cry and cry. Going to your mother is like caving in and waving the white flag. An admission that the situation was too overwhelming and you weren’t strong enough to handle it yourself. An admission to weakness. Nobody likes to admit to that.
Before you mistaken this for depressing movie, it’s not. It’s just a very touching and emotional story. A story of a women’s journey on coping with lost love and how she was helped by her loved one to pick herself up together again.
To have someone love you with so much dedication and affection, even after 10 years, like how Gerry character loved Holly – that’s heaven on earth. Gerry’s love and dedication for Holly is today’s version of a fairytale. Gerry is today’s version of a knight in shining armour. And I’m just a sucker for fairytales.
P.S. I Love You is a terrible, beautiful, heart-wrenching movie, so it’s nice to watch it with somebody. But it’s a little too heavy for a first (few hundred, haha) date movie though… So watching preferences should be like this:
watch with somebody you love > watch by yourself > watch with a first date
More:
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Thursday, May 15th, 2008
So I was sitting at Mcdonald’s eating my Bubur Ayam McD and drinking my ice cold Ribena by myself while waiting for a couple of people to satisfy their obsession with that Digby girl.
Oh yes I was there. But only for 5 minutes before I rubbished it to have my dinner. So many people. Too many people. Screaming. Kids. So many kids. Shouldn’t they be at home studying for their exams? Bodies squeezing against each other. Pushing. I’m too old for this nonsense. I’m tired and hungry. I’ve spent too long at work to enjoy crushing myself with the crowd to watch some random chick sing live in the middle of a shopping mall. Is it worth going through all that for 1.5 hours just to catch a glimpse of her singing a couple of songs? Truth is, I’ve never fancied her. I didn’t like that she or whoever who was responsible for her took no action to correct the masses conception that she was some raw undiscovered talent who happened to put her own version of Rihanna’s grating, soul-sucking Umbrella on Youtube.come, when the truth is that she is already discovered and is already a signed artist. Granted she never said that she wasn’t, but inactions to correct a misconception is still a deception. So screw her. She isn’t all that fantastic anyway. Fantastic talent? Right. Singer/guitar players are a dime in a dozen. The only thing that really sets her apart is that she is young and very easy on the eye, which of course means $$$$$$$$$ in the entertainment business. Fantastic talent? Hah. Let me see you play that guitar with your feet while you’re upside down and suspended mid-air lah tiu.
Oops. Didn’t mean to sound bitter. Please don’t flame me.
Bubur Ayam McD is one of the best things that has ever happened to me. Who would’ve thought that McD’s was capable of making something so delicious and dare I say it, almost healthy? I was so sceptical when they first introduced this on their menu. I thought it would taste like plastic. Or cardboard. Or salt water. Or styrofoam. How can McD’s get THIS one right? Even some hotels fuck it up, what more a fastfood chain? I thought the rice in the porridge wouldn’t actually BE rice. I thought they would use dehydrated fake veges and meat like instant noodles in a cup would. But I was so wrong. The moment the first spoonful of Bubur Ayam of my life made contact with my mouth, I knew in that instant that my life would never be the same again. Once you open the cover of the styrofoam container and the rush of vapour rising out of the steaming porridge hits your nose – that’s when you realise that it is Just. Like. Porridge. And it smells SO GOOD. Chopped spring onions, tiny bits of chicken meat (not “juicy chicken strips” as advertised, they lied but i’ll let that slide), fine slices of ginger, white pepper, diced red chilly, fried shallots, atop a bowl of thick gooey porridge, fused together to create a beautiful symphony of aroma which reminds you of home. As you take your first bite of your bubur ayam, you’ll smile and cry while you thank the heavens that men are still capable of inventing mind-blowing perfection. Right here. On a fastfood menu.
Do you have an issue with eating alone? Well, it isn’t at the top of my list of favourite things to do but if I don’t have a choice I don’t mind it too much, provided I have something to entertain myself with and that something is usually a reading material. However, last night at McD’s I didn’t have any, and couldn’t be arsed to buy a reading material just to keep me company, so it was just me and my food. So I sat down with my tray of my mouth-watering goodness of bubur ayam which I couldn’t wait to get my mouth on and an icy-cold Ribena (drink of Gods). Lost in my own thoughts. Recollecting what I did for the day. Planning what I should do the next day. Thinking how orgasmic my bubur is. Wondering how I should update my blog. Looking forward to moving into my new division. Thinking that I really should get more sleep. With so many things in your head it’s really easy to forget that you’re eating by yourself in a fastfood restaurant, until the other people start staring, double-taking. Triple-taking. With that weird expression on their faces. Pity? I don’t know.
One night, when I was at a restaurant with a few people and we saw a guy eating by himself. Somebody quipped “please don’t let me catch you ever doing this. It’s just so sad” – it made me wonder if those people who were staring at me were thinking or even talking among themselves about what I sad person I was. I didn’t like that. People judging other people just because they choose to or didn’t have to choice but to eat by themselves. What’s the problem? Am I intruding in your space? Does my presence disturb you? Am I stealing too much of your oxygen? Do I stink? Please stop looking at me like I’m some alien freak with a horn above my head and green scales. I’m just minding my own business and eating my bubur ayam you dickheads. Strange thing is that this phenomenon of “people looking at you weird when you eat alone” only happens in Malaysia though. When I was in Australia, it’s perfectly okay. Nobody stares, everybody minds their own business. Our people have some serious issues man.
One of the things I thought about while stuffing my face with bubur were priorities. My priorities and other people’s priorities. For some reason, maybe because of my needy character, other people’s needs and wants would come first before mine. Not all the time, most times. Especially for loved ones. I would go out of the way to please them, make them happy. I thought it makes me happy and appreciated, making them happy. I always had a misconception that if I put them as my priority, I would by default, be their number one priority as well. Obviously that is never true. I think it’s inherent human nature for people to only make you their priority when they need you or when they feel like it, but never consistently by default. I still have to come to terms with that. Admittedly I also have problems with managing my expectations about other people. I keep having to tell myself that I shouldn’t feel disappointed when I am not appreciated accordingly or made to feel like I’m the best shit that was ever created by god (cue fanfare and crashing of cymbals). Must be the Leo ego. Many people have said this to me, and I still have yet to internalise this; I should always be my number one priority. Everybody else comes after me, no matter who, no matter what. I have to love myself before others can love me. I have to be happy with me before I can be happy with anyone else. So simple, yet so difficult to do.
Feeling rather grumpy and out of focus. It’s from the combination of 1) lack of rest and 2) annoying huge ulcer near my throat which makes it difficult for me to swallow or even open my mouth without feeling some form of excruciating pain.
I’m salivating just thinking about the Bubur Ayam I had last night. Yum. Must be the damn MSG.
To end this on a happy note, being held to sleep by a loved one has to be the best feeling in the whole wide world. 
Thoughts & Rants |
Tuesday, May 13th, 2008
3 words - Don’t watch it.
Unless you are one (or both) of the following:
1) really high on something. And by high I mean giggly happy and able to laugh at something mundane like a piece of rock by the roadside.
2) 7 years old or younger with ADD. The psychedelic kaleidoscope of colours will entertain you for the entire TWO FREAKING LONG HOURS.
It’s really bad. No wait. The first few minutes started out quite promising, watching the super hi-tech cars outracing each other on the, literally, killer tracks in hi-res explosion of every single blinding colour the human brain can fathom.
Then the characters were introduced, and the storyline unfolded. It had to have depth (happy family), had to be all self-righteous and shove moral shit down your throat (small humble family business versus greedy money sucking capitalistic conglomerates), had to have flash-backs (use the force, luke), had to have annoying sidekicks (cue fat boy and his pet monkey every 5 fucking minutes - harhar), had to have some element of un-funny (cue fat boy and his pet monkey every 5 fucking minutes - harhar) - which spoilt the ENTIRE MOVIE and dragged the movie on and on and on and on and on and on into a spiraling vortex of VOMIT… and just when you think coming to an end where you’ll be free from it forever…. it drags on some more like a flogged to half-death donkey for another 30 bloody minutes. Bonus? The last 30 minutes were the WORST. Even watching Rain strutting around half naked speaking in very decent English didn’t salvage the movie for me, and this is coming from a person who REALLY digs Rain.
It’s nothing but a corny, unfunny, self-indulgant wankfest. It wouldn’t have been so bad if the movie didn’t take itself so seriously, but it DID.
What’s worse was that I already braced myself for it. I KNEW it was going to be terrible. I knew the ratings for it were trash. And when you expect the worse, sometimes the outcome isn’t as bad as you expect it to be. I cleared my mind. Told myself I’ll just watch it for fucks. For the crazy blinding colours. For the awesome hi-tech racing cars. But even THEN, even with my sub-zero expectations, it still didn’t prepare me for this terrible, awful, mindless, pointless idiotic piece of shit that stole away 2 hours of my freaking life. 2 hours which I will NEVER get back. Ever. Nothing could’ve saved this movie from what it really is; a terrible, awful, mindless, pointless idiotic piece of shit. And you come out of the theater with a freaking headache and a severe case of “WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED”.
Don’t even bother buying Uncle Ho’s DVD. It’s not worth the waiting for it to download it for free either. But if you don’t believe me and really have to see it for yourself, then be my guest, but I told you so okay!
Some more put on the posters big big “From the creators of the Matrix Trilogy”. Hah! I didn’t even like Matrix 2 and 3 ANYWAY.
Fuck man. I told myself I will STAY AWAY from ALL BAD MOVIES in 2008 but track record hasn’t been very good. 
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Monday, May 12th, 2008
Friday drinkies with colleagues
Pseudo-farewell drinkies @ La Bodega. Sadly La Bodega’s white Sangria tasted very much like a mixture of cheap vodka (they said it was rum) in fruity-flavoured water. Maybe it was their off-day. Leaving my division for another after this week. I will miss all these crazy people at my current division who have made my life at work so much more bearable and crazy-fun. It’s because of them I am able to wake up in the mornings to go to work. I will miss all of them terribly.
Saturday breakfast with friend
Been awhile since I met up with old friends just to makan and have a chat. It was pleasant. Something I look forward to do more frequently in the future.
Saturday night rave party
Got company, got beer, music so-so. No more raves for me ever. Not just because I’m getting too old for this, but if you’ve been for 4 you’ve been to all. This rave didn’t quite to it for me. Didn’t feel really excited or pumped up. If anything I had to pump myself up by chanting “I paid good money for this, so keep dancing” in my head to really enjoy the music. When he played the old stuff it was good, when he played the new stuff, it was uninspiring. Daresay I was a little disappointed. Looks like the first Tiesto rave party 2 years back really ruined all raves for me, including this one. No more raves! Just plain booze and clubbin for me from now onwards…. until I get bored of that. Hahahhah.. hahahhaAhaa.
(picture stolen from Tock who is a MAJOR CAMWHORE)
Sunday mother’s day.
It was awesome. Had lunch at Sunway Resort Hotel’s Avanti with the family and it was very well worth every single stinking RM66++. Very decent buffet spread with the usual spreads of starters, cold meats, cooked meats, salads, yummy deserts, seafood (sushi! oyster! mussels! cold prawns!), pasta, soups, finger foods, a full ala-carte main meal (choice of steak, lamb, fish of chicken - steak was DIVINE), coffee/tea and FREE FLOW OF BEER. But seriously, one can’t stomach too much beer at a buffet because that’ll leave LESS room for AWESOME FOOD. My mum was given a goody bag with loads of goodies! Everybody was happy and too full! This is my second time and Avanti and I totally LOVE IT. AND because great news are meant to be shared, if you are a HSBC cardholder, you eat for 50% CHEAPER from next weekend onwards until June! Call them up now or a puppy DIES! Contact Avanti @ 7492 8000 Ext. 3176
After makan, brought mum around Sunway Pyramid to shop for my mum’s mother day present. She mentioned she wanted a pair of Crocs, so we checked it out. Mum decided NOT to buy a pair because she thought RM210 for a pair of ugly, plastic looking slippers were freakin’ ridiculous, haha. Ended spending more $$$$ buying a couple of items from British India (on sale!) and Xixili (you can never have enough undergarments). My goodness this place has changed SO MUCH I couldn’t even recognise it anymore. Passed by Wendy’s but wasn’t too tempted to try their burger. Apart from the fact that my stomach was overflowing with food, the place itself didn’t look appealing. Neither were the ads. I thought Carl Junior’s ads were more eye-catching and yumilicious. Yum. I want an overpriced oversized Carl Junior’s burger NOW.
It’s Monday.
Fucking tired wei!
Am getting too old for happening weekends.
A good lazing around and potato couching would be a nice change after a long workweek. The spirit is so willing for happening stuff all the time, but the body is broken.
Filler Posts |
Friday, May 9th, 2008
Managed to go home early yesterday. Even managed to steal some time to watch a movie. My favourite movie of all time. Moulin Rouge. If you followed my blog for years now you would know that this is not my first time writing about this movie but I DON’T CARE.
I must’ve watched this damn movie a gazillion times. Every single time I watch this I am reminded of why this is probably my all-time favourite movie ever. Moulin Rouge has ruined me of musicals. I can never ever watch another musical without comparing it to Moulin Rouge. There has not been a single movie or musical which could make me feel a whole roller coaster ride of emotions and then some. I fall deeply in love, despair, exhilaration, anger, righteousness at the same time. The movie fills me with so much hope my heart could explode. And make my heart soar like a majestic eagle gliding across blue sky. And make me smile like a giddy giggly little school girl who had just for the very first time discovered love. Mygod have I told you how much I love this movie? I fucking love it. In fact the word love can’t even begin to capture my true feelings about this movie.
Ewan oh Ewan. The first time you opened your mouth to sing those magical words “my gift is my song… and this one’s for you…” I was blown away. Frozen. Speechless. Incapacitated. My eyes, they were filled with tears, my heart it was filled with hope, my head, it was filled with visions of heaven. Oh how you looked when you sang that song. How your eyes sparkled with naïve hopefulness and earnestness. And that shy boyish smile. The slight curve on your lips. It made me want to grab you from the screen and hold on to you forever. And you can tell everybody. That this is your song. It maybe quite simple but, now that it’s done. I hope you don’t mind. I hope you don’t mind. That I put down in words. How wonderful life is, now you’re in the world….
Every single time you sing the love medley with Nicole I FEEL so much my tiny beating heart could implode from it all. When you sing. I sing. When you dance I dance. When you smile I smile. When you cry I cry with you. And when you sang Come What May, by the windowsill, with the soft lighting surrounding you as the camera pans in, with that look in your eye. Your hopeful lost-puppy eyed look. It was magical. Like in a dream. So romantic it made my heart break.
When the Argentinean sang Roxanne, I was sucked into a whirlwind of a completely different set of emotions. It was filled with so much raw, powerful emotions. And the tango which accompanied the Argentinean’s gritty, husky voice – perfect. Watching the dancers’ expression when they execute their choreography with precision and grace evokes a whole kaleidoscope of emotions anger, jealousy, lust, love, hate, passion. PASSION. This was the most passionate performance I have ever seen in my life. Brimming with so much sexual energy and tension. It makeS you want to grab somebody, push them against a wall, and…. Yeah. Never have I ever heard of a single musical performance which can compare to the Argentinean’s Roxanne. Nothing can ever top this. Ever. Ever. Never.
And the ending. Ohmygod the ending. When Ewan turns around, and walks slowly to the stage, while singing the “come what may” line repeatedly….. with my heart beating furiously, my breathe held, my hands trembling. Heart can pop out of my mouth can die and go to heaven straight. SO EMO OMG.
Come what may!
Come what may!
COME what mayyy!
COME WHAT MAYY!!!
_nose bleed pengsan_
I LOVE THIS MOVIE OMG OMG OMG I LOVE IT HAVE I TOLD YOU HOW MUCH I FUCKING LOVE THIS MOVIE OMG PLEASE LET ME TELL YOU AGAIN. I LOVE IT THIS IS A FUCKING MASTERPIECE. LEANARDO’S MONA LISA. BEETHOVEN’S FIFTH. STEVE JOB’S MACBOOK. BAZ LUHRMANN’s MOULIN ROUGE. I LOVE IT!
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