Oh god no please don’t inflict us with yet another Jack Black movie. Sure, School of Rock was pretty fun but School of Rock was pretty fun because the children were pretty fun. The bad bit about the movie was where Jack “LOOK AT ME MA I’M MAKING FUNNY FACES AND INSULTING EVERYBODY AIN’T I FUNNY” Black shows up all the fucking time. He has a face that’s begging me to punch it in and stomp on it. With a heavy, blunt, metal object. Repeatedly.
Oh well, let’s just give the new movie a try… it sounds promising enough on IMDB. Maybe Jack “LOOK AT ME PHYSICALLY INJURING MYSELF AGAIN WITH A YET ANOTHER MUNDANE HOUSEHOLD APPLIANCE OMG I’M A COMIC GENIUS” Black might tone it down a bit and allow the movie to just be a tad bit more enjoya….. ARGHHHH NO!!!!!!111one WHYYYYYYYY!!!?!?!?! WHY. DO. YOU. KEEP. RUBBING. YOUR. POMPOUS. OBNOXIOUS. UNFUNNY. ASS. ON. OUR. FACES?
Well, the movie idea alone was awesome enough and I would’ve liked it immensely except for a few teeny tiny little details which ruined everything - the people IN it. Jack “LOOK AT ME SHOUTING AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS AND FLAYING MY ARMS ABOUT OMG I’M SO FUNNY PEOPLE WILL FIGHT TO EAT MY UNDERWEAR” Black had to be his usual vulgar crude self and absolutely ruined everything for me. Mos Def was more annoying than a tantrum-throwing kid screaming in the middle of a restaurant. I mean just because he looks like he has a slow-learning disability doesn’t mean he has to act like he has a slow-learning disability. I hated him in H2G2, and I hated him now. Somebody please slap him about with a large trout. Take those 2 idiots out and replace them with any other 2 monkeys from a zoo and I guarantee that the movie will blow minds and win awards.
Another thing that really irked me is the randomness, the lack of continuity and the overall sense of pointlessness. Cut stop go okay let’s put all these tOh-Tah-LeE FAR-neE bits in every 5 seconds cut stop go throw in some sentimental bullshit cut stop go we need depth let’s sprinkle in some depth here and here cut stop go ooh let’s not forget some tacky pseudo-moral elements cut stop go ROMANCE! How could we forget that! Cut stop voila! Jack Black movie!
Argh. So not for me - negative million. No more Jack Black movies for me ever, please.
Wahlau. The poster seriously a bit too photoshopped right? -_-
Eyeris was right, I was going to PAY to watch this movie - thank god he came along and I was SAVED from my folly!!!!11one Not that the movie was bad mind you. If you expect to watch Rambo kick ass, you DO get the entire “I expect to watch Rambo kick ass” experience!!! It’s Rambo MOTHERFUCKERS! The same bloodthirsty war mongering always half naked Rambo who said the unforgettable “I want, what they want, and every other guy who came over here and spilt his guts and gave everything he had… wants!” … except a bit older. Less fit. and er.. less muscles. THAT low guttural voice! That vacant killer stare! Blood! Gore! Dead bodies! Mindless killing! SO MUCH BLOOD! Rambo killing everybody and saving the day! With his shirt on! Stupid 80s cheesy lines! Some random chick! Eh why the bugger pose there so long acting cool. Look like damn long self-wanking scene only. Not much REAL hardcore action from John, though.. dissapointed a bit. The theme song! ZOMG IT’S THE RAMBO THEME SONG!!!! He’s coming to save the DAY! RAMBO!!!! OMGOMG!!111 Hey. It’s OVER? FINISH? WHAT? JUST LIKE THAT WHAT THE FUCK! It’s only been 1 hour and 15 minutes! Mana cukup lah deii! Short change! I want my money back! Oh wait, I didn’t pay for this. Heh.
HAHAH SUCKERS! You KNOW you’ll just have to catch this! Even if you have to freaking PAY for it! Thanks Eyeris! You rock my socks!
More: Eyeris liked it too lah, he was just whining like a little bitch he is because the movie didn’t show enough cleavage.
This is what I mostly did during my end of the year break.
1. Starcraft campaign games because I can’t wait for SC II !!!111oneone
2. Watch Yakitate!! Japan because I absolutely refused to touch Naruto until there are at least 50 episodes for me to catch up on at one go.
I don’t have to go into #1 because everybody knows that SC is one of the greatest strategy games ever known to mankind and how SC II is going to completely blow our minds away. So let’s talk about #2.
Background:
Yakitate!! Japan is about a village boy named Azuma Kazuma who aspires to bake THE national Japanese Bread - THE bread that ALL Japanese can substitute rice with - “Japan” (a play on words as “pan” in Japanese means bread). Expect plenty of bread baking competitions which includes crazy-assed far fetched breakthrough bread making techniques and wacky ingredients. 69 episodes in total. Released in 2004.
I like it!
Like Naruto, the story is formed around the same concept - the simpleton underdog with a one track goal - to be the best in what he does. During his journey to be the best; he develops friendships with people around him who after thinking that the protagonist is a loser, will get their ass kicked and then come to love and respect the protagonist as somebody with a heart of gold and the will of titanium. True, I’m a sucker for this sort of lame shit as it warms my cold, unfeeling heart.
But…
Obviously like all freaking Japanese animes there are endless, tiresome, annoying fart jokes and idiotic childish exaggerated expressions (especially during the judging of the breads during the competitions) - which I never like but am forced to tolerate with because I’m a sucker for pain.
In the end.
I liked it, generally. Watched the whole damn series on Crunchyroll with my sister and after every 5-10 episodes my stomach growls up a storm, my mouth waters and I get the most ridiculous munchies because the judges’ illustrative descriptions of the prize winning bread is just too vividly delicious. Doesn’t help that the breads in the anime look so damn good I could literally SMELL IT and TASTE IT in my head while giving me this uncontrollable urge to lick the monitor screen.
I know this movie is so last year (haha), but I must share my feelings!!!
I cringed and cringed and couldn’t stop cringing until it ended. Bloody hell this was a full-force in your face revenge of the musical Disney cartoons complete with sing-a-longs and synchronised group dancing TO YOUR DEATH! Everybody knows the words to the songs! Everybody knows the dance steps! Cockroaches clean your house! The one you love sings to you! What’s up with the real life lead actress? Her cartoon character was like 100000000000 times hotter than her real life counterpart! It really bugged me throughout the movie, like a splinter in my head. Even the other girl character too. What’s up with her FACE man? Felt really irritated looking at their freaky faces. SLAP!!! What’s up with all the guys (as in MALES) who have watched this and said this movie was OKAY? Euw. I can’t believe I willingly paid RM10 bucks to watch this fucking corny bullshit. I even tried really hard to give in to my feminine flower plucking animal cuddling self to WANT to enjoy this peacefully - but the total bitch in me refused. to. stop. cringing. SLAP!!! Then again, ANYTHING is better than Norbit. Or Barnyard. Or Epic Movie. Name me any bad English movie of the year 2007 and I would’ve probably caught it - not by choice mind you. _koff_
ZOMG! ANDY! JET LI! TAKESHI! HOW TO PASS? CANNOT PASS! DEFINITELY NO PASSING THE YEAR WITHOUT WATCHING THIS MOVIE! I’m already giving it 3 stars (out of five) just based on the cast-list alone (Andy! Jet Li! Takeshi! ZOMG!). Actually, the pessimist in me said “All-star cast, bound to fuck up. Look at all the other Hollywood movies.”.. but the optimist retorted with a “THIS IS NOT A HOLLYWOOD MOVIE LAH IDIOT”. The optimist was right! It was good! IT WAS SO DAMN GOOD that Good isn’t nearly enough to describe just how GOOD it was! Pay NO attention to the bullshit synopsis you read off Wikipedia’s or GSC’s website because it is ABSOLUTE BOLLOCKS. This is a fucking bloodthirsty WAR MOVIE which could FUCK YOU UP, and definitely NOT another stupid arty crouching Ang Lee tiger flying dagger hero gay romance disguised as a lame kung fu movie. Okay la, got elements of romance but it only takes up about 0.01% of airtime. Flying body parts! Lots of blood! BLOODY! CHOP! STAB! KICK! SHOOT! KILL KILL KILL! KILLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!! How the hell was this rated a “U”? Wah got emo part also. Wah shit - disturbing lah. Tokkok. Politic-ing. Scheming. Okay, timecheck. WOAH the soundtrack and the cinematography was so fantastic it could make a grown man so overwhelmed with complicated emotions, he breaks down crying. So. Damn. EPIC!!! Bold for emphasis, just in case you didn’t get how EPIC!!! it was. Andy Lau really gets better with age. Jet Li got chubby but homeboy can still kick your ass and your mother’s! Takeshi was a little too clean cut boyish good looking to fit - but I am So. NOT. Complaining. Unfortunately, the girl wasn’t pretty at all - but WHO CARES SHE IS NOT IMPORTANT.
Disturbing, a teeny tiny bit draggy (Chinese serious movies tend to feel like that, IMHO), but great. A must watch.
Start the year with a good war movie. End the year with another good one. YEAY!
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