Archive for the 'Self-gratification' Category

Moulin Rouge for the Gazillionth Time.

Friday, May 9th, 2008

Managed to go home early yesterday. Even managed to steal some time to watch a movie. My favourite movie of all time. Moulin Rouge. If you followed my blog for years now you would know that this is not my first time writing about this movie but I DON’T CARE.

I must’ve watched this damn movie a gazillion times. Every single time I watch this I am reminded of why this is probably my all-time favourite movie ever. Moulin Rouge has ruined me of musicals. I can never ever watch another musical without comparing it to Moulin Rouge. There has not been a single movie or musical which could make me feel a whole roller coaster ride of emotions and then some. I fall deeply in love, despair, exhilaration, anger, righteousness at the same time. The movie fills me with so much hope my heart could explode. And make my heart soar like a majestic eagle gliding across blue sky. And make me smile like a giddy giggly little school girl who had just for the very first time discovered love. Mygod have I told you how much I love this movie? I fucking love it. In fact the word love can’t even begin to capture my true feelings about this movie.

Ewan oh Ewan. The first time you opened your mouth to sing those magical words “my gift is my song… and this one’s for you…” I was blown away. Frozen. Speechless. Incapacitated. My eyes, they were filled with tears, my heart it was filled with hope, my head, it was filled with visions of heaven. Oh how you looked when you sang that song. How your eyes sparkled with naïve hopefulness and earnestness. And that shy boyish smile. The slight curve on your lips. It made me want to grab you from the screen and hold on to you forever. And you can tell everybody. That this is your song. It maybe quite simple but, now that it’s done. I hope you don’t mind. I hope you don’t mind. That I put down in words. How wonderful life is, now you’re in the world….

Every single time you sing the love medley with Nicole I FEEL so much my tiny beating heart could implode from it all. When you sing. I sing. When you dance I dance. When you smile I smile. When you cry I cry with you. And when you sang Come What May, by the windowsill, with the soft lighting surrounding you as the camera pans in, with that look in your eye. Your hopeful lost-puppy eyed look. It was magical. Like in a dream. So romantic it made my heart break.

When the Argentinean sang Roxanne, I was sucked into a whirlwind of a completely different set of emotions. It was filled with so much raw, powerful emotions. And the tango which accompanied the Argentinean’s gritty, husky voice – perfect. Watching the dancers’ expression when they execute their choreography with precision and grace evokes a whole kaleidoscope of emotions anger, jealousy, lust, love, hate, passion. PASSION. This was the most passionate performance I have ever seen in my life. Brimming with so much sexual energy and tension. It makeS you want to grab somebody, push them against a wall, and…. Yeah. Never have I ever heard of a single musical performance which can compare to the Argentinean’s Roxanne. Nothing can ever top this. Ever. Ever. Never.

And the ending. Ohmygod the ending. When Ewan turns around, and walks slowly to the stage, while singing the “come what may” line repeatedly….. with my heart beating furiously, my breathe held, my hands trembling. Heart can pop out of my mouth can die and go to heaven straight. SO EMO OMG.

Come what may!
Come what may!
COME what mayyy!
COME WHAT MAYY!!!

_nose bleed pengsan_

I LOVE THIS MOVIE OMG OMG OMG I LOVE IT HAVE I TOLD YOU HOW MUCH I FUCKING LOVE THIS MOVIE OMG PLEASE LET ME TELL YOU AGAIN. I LOVE IT THIS IS A FUCKING MASTERPIECE. LEANARDO’S MONA LISA. BEETHOVEN’S FIFTH. STEVE JOB’S MACBOOK. BAZ LUHRMANN’s MOULIN ROUGE. I LOVE IT!

Self-gratification | 9 Comments

A Letter To My Favourite Kungfu Actor Of All Time

Wednesday, April 23rd, 2008

Dear Mr. Jet Li,

Hello! How are you? First of all, I’d like to say that I’m a HUGE fan. Been a fan since the first movie I saw you in, I think that was Once Upon a Time in China, and have fallen head over heels ever since. I even wanted to learn kungfu because of you! I’ve watched Once Upon a Time in China (1,2,3,6), Last Hero in China, Fong Sai Yuk 1 & 2, Tai Chi Master, Swordsman, Bodyguard from Beijing, My Father Is a Hero… loved it loved it! The way you kick so much ass without even breaking a sweat just takes my breath away. And that look you always have - the sullen, serious, unsmiling, intense, one-look-can-kill-you face when you kick ass. Wah, seriously can die. Well, eventhough Blackmask and Dr Wai wasn’t so great I let it slide and still taught you were one of the best things that ever came into my life after Nutella. I loved you so much back then I used to cut out all your big movie ads from the papers and kept them, just so that I could feel closer to you. On retrospect it sounds a little psychotic but hey I was young and delusional what can I say?

Then you started to venture into Hollywood. I thought hey why not. If he can make it so big in China, I’m sure America can’t be that hard. If Bruce Lee can so can he. If Jackie Chan can so can he. He’s cuter than Bruce, less annoying than Jackie, and definitely more ass-kicking than both of them combined because he uses REAL Shoalin kungfu! How can he not make it?

I remembered your debut English film. Lethal Weapon 4. I was so excited! Lethal Weapon 4 wasn’t too bad at all, watching the 2 out of touch middle-aged cops who’ve been through one too many gun-fights and getting rather sick of all the action taking cheap shots at each other was hilarious. I thought you were excellent as the stereotypical Chinese gangster. I was however, quite upset that you were only given about 10 minutes of face time in the movie, and that Mel Gibson killed you off too easily and quickly – HAH as if he could in real life, them stupid gwai lohs are so unbelievably full of themselves man.

I suppose Lethal Weapon 4 was enough publicity for you to open the floodgates to so many of your other English movies.

Romeo Must Die
Kiss of the Dragon
The One
Cradle 2 the Grave
Rise to Honor
Unleashed

It breaks my heart to say this to you, my childhood idol, my hero. But I really didn’t like all of them (watched at least 4 of them and saw the trailers for the rest). At most they were B grade movies. Sure there were big stars in them. Sure your English was so much better than Jackie Chan’s. But the plots were so lame. The acting so wooden. The script wasn’t too great. Your Chinese emotionless made-of-steel “yau yeng” face looked wrong in them. And seriously, white people just don’t have the slightest clue on how to showcase your kungfu prowess effectively in all its ass-kicking glory. It’s as if they were mocking you. And by mocking you they were mocking us, your fans. And I hated that it felt like you were merely their puppet to fuck around with while they poke fun of your awesome kungfu skills. WHY DO YOU KEEP LETTING THEM DO THIS TO YOU? WHY?

Then you had to go act in a weird artsy pretty-looking kungfu movie – Hero, and that idiot director had you walking on water, and flying about like some clown, which I for the life of me, just couldn’t accept. Huo Yuan Jia felt too self-indulgent and I didn’t really like that either. But at least you made it up for all of that in The Warlords, which also happens to be one of my favourite movies of 2007. But I felt that it still wasn’t quite you.

It makes me feel very sad that I actually cringe at the thought of your new movies now. “oh no, how bad is the next movie going to suck”. You and Chow Yun Fatt both were excellent Chinese actors given awful shitty roles with lousy cheesy scripts in English movies. Jackie Chan gets away with that because he HAS been playing awful shitty roles with lousy cheesy scripts in Chinese. But no, not you Jet Li. Not Chow Yun Fatt. Please, please I pray you, stop selling yourselves short it’s really too painful for me to watch anymore.

Then one day, as I was loitering around the shopping mall and I saw this GINORMOUS POSTER.

THE FORBIDDEN KINGDOM! OMG IT IS SO BEAUTIFUL! MY PRAYERS WERE ANSWERED. JET LI! JACKIE CHAN (bleah)! FLYING-KICKING! OMG! TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE! IT’S GOING TO BE AWESOME I CAN’T WAIT TO WATCH IT CAN’T WAIT CAN’T WAIT. Eventhough I am NO fan of Jackie but OMG JET LI you’re doing another wuxia film I can’t believe it it’s really going to be so awesome CAN DIE!!!!

Then I saw your TRAILER!!!! I nearly pissed my pants and squealed in girly delight when I saw your face… your name… you kungfuing with Jackie Chan and… WTF!!!?!?!?!?!?!?

WHAT IS THAT WHITE BOY DOING IN THERE.

IT’S IN ENGLISH?!@?!?!!?!?

HOW THE FUCK CAN IT BE IN ENGLISH.

ENGLISH!!!!!!!!!111111111noe. WTF!!!!!!!!!!

HEY WTF IS GOING ON HERE I THOUGHT IT WAS A WUXIA FILM WTF I DON’T UNDERSTAND WHAT IS GOING ON WHAT THE FUCK! ENGLISH? WHITE BOY? HAVE YOU LOST YOU BLOODY MIND?!??! ARGH HULKRAGE HEAD EXPLODE CRUSH FURRY CREATURES EAT RAINBOWS STOMP ON AMERICA

Dear Mr. Jet Li,

I can’t even begin to describe the wave of emotions I’m feeling right now. It’s like you grabbed my heart out from my ribcage with your bare hands and then tore it to pieces, laughing maniacally at me for being such a fool. I feel like wanting to kill myself just thinking about it. I’m so depressed, so broken. I just want to hide in a dark lonely corner and cry. I don’t know what to make of it. This… thing. This… movie. Do I really want to watch this with that horrible sinking gut feeling that it WILL SUCK? Please say something, anything to make me want to watch this thing.

Still your very loyal but heart-broken fan,
FA

Self-gratification | 22 Comments

The Kite Runner

Monday, April 14th, 2008

A story of 2 childhood Afghan friends torn apart by the protagonist’s cowardice who eventually faces up to his past and attempts to atone for his childhood misdeeds only many, many years later.

If you’re looking for a feel-good cotton candy rainbows kind of movie then this is definitely not it. Do not let the poster fool you.

It’s a very emotional movie. Raw human emotions were depicted so believably I easily forget that it’s all an act. It pushes you to feel terrible. It compels you to confront with genuine human emotions relating to difficult, morally-challenging decisions ordinary people are make to survive. It’ll make you cringe.

Although there were plenty enough of realistic light-hearted scenes which you can relate to, making you smile as you’re transported back to your fondest childhood memories - it was the dark ones that leaves an impression on you. The brutal and unpleasant taboo moments which grab you by your shoulders and force you to keep looking, leaving you with that bitter aftertaste of it in your mouth, a cold chill down your spine and a guilty pang in the inner recesses of your stomach.

It’s beautiful, but beautiful is such an inappropriate word to describe it because it’s so emotionally disturbing at the same time.

The storytelling was brilliant - fluid and gripping, very unlike a lot of adapted-from-a-book type of movies. I haven’t read the book, but those who have said it was a very good adaptation.

The acting was excellent. The scripts were good. The scenes were shot so well.

No it’s definitely NOT one of those pretentious try-hard inde-artsy push-my-holier- than-thou-virtues-down-your-throat type of movie at all. I hate those types of movies anyway.

Can’t say too much, because trying to recall the story would make me depressed and unsettled all over again.

A very good watch, and I would recommend it highly. Any movie which is moving enough to make grown boys cry is worth a watch, in my humble opinion. So do come prepared with some tissues though, trust me.

More info:
Official website
On IMDB

Self-gratification | 13 Comments

Braces - I Want.

Monday, March 3rd, 2008

Hi all,

I want to get my teeth fixed. I don’t buy all that bullshit like you don’t need it lah, beauty comes from within lah, don’t waste 4 perfectly good teeth, lah, it’s not going to be worth it lah, you’re going to go through hell for a year, your crooked inverted front teeth makes you unique lah, it’s gonna show up in pictures lah etc etc. Fuck all that “things your mother would say” shit to hell.

Maybe next year with even more funding I could even get a boob job and there shall be world peace.

I digress.

Question - where can I do it (teeth job lah not boob job, faggots) for good and at an affordable rate? I’d like to have the type of braces where it matches your teeth colour. The porcelain(?) sort, not the ones with silvery metal pieces. I need recommendations, please. Feel free to leave a comment or email me with details on:

1. where
2. how much
3. related experience with recommended dentist
4. contact details of dentist

It goes without saying that I will definitely take pictures.

Thanks a million!

Much love and all that lovey stuff,
FA

Self-gratification | 22 Comments

54k for a Proposal? Wtf.

Tuesday, February 19th, 2008

Here’s what 54k can buy you, instead.

1. 1,800 glasses of ultimate long island tea from TGIF - that’s one LIT a day for 5 YEARS
2. 10,800 plates of decent chicken rice - that’s one chicken rice a day for 29 YEARS
3. The ENTIRE WEDDING - including studio pictures, dresses, and the freaking dinner!
4. Peroduo Myvi - CASH.
5. Petrol FOR your Myvi for 14 YEARS.
5. 10% down payment of a condo unit in PJ
6. Feed 49 hungry children from poverty & famine stricken countries for one whole year. (assuming USD1 = RM3)
7. 3,600 new movies, that’s one movie every week for 69 YEARS
8. A bouquet of FLOWERS for EVERY SINGLE VALENTINES DAY for 360 YEARS! That’s like FOUR GENERATIONS!

okay, I’ve got to get back to work. Now YOU think of something.

Self-gratification | 41 Comments